I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
