dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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