suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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