haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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