I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
