oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
