weddingsv make me drug and hornr
someone owes me an orgasm
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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