just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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