So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Randomize
