Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
