Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
