Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize