Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Dear god my vagina.
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