eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
