what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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