I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
