my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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