It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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