...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
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She's just so happy...and so naked.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
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Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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