I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
