And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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