I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
