I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
someone owes me an orgasm
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
