just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
