I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
