I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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