Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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