i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
