i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Randomize
