When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
