You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
My dick has a subreddit
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
