Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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