Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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