Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I just want to make out with him forever
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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