Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Just pee around me
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
