I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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