I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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