i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
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He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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