my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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