My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Randomize
