She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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