yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
