Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
