Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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