found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Welp...herpes.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
