WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
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