he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize