if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
