I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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