If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
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i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
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She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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