i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I just want to make out with him forever
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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