just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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