i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
