I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
