i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
That reminds me...we need to get swords
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
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