I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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