There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
cat food counts as protein by the way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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