I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
