I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
