You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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