Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Randomize
